Feb 6

Feb 6 How to Cope with Money Avoidance

Have you ever gotten a bill in the mail, only to set it aside and completely forget about it for months? Or maybe you’ve been swiping your credit card for every purchase while avoiding logging into your bank’s website, for fear of seeing the balance.

You could be doing totally fine financially, but you can’t bring yourself to look at your bank account. Numbers! Spending shame! Guilt! Fear!

Sound familiar? You may be dealing with what’s called money avoidance. In other words, you’re doing all that you can to dodge thinking about your money.

While my guess is that we all have experienced this to varying degrees (I used to be the queen of ignoring library fines, don’t @ me!), the issue can be serious for some, as it can be a sign of an underlying issue like financial anxiety.

Luckily, a mix of behavioral science and cognitive-behavioral techniques can actually help us handle these issues more effectively. Here are a few ways to make that happen.

Start by asking yourself why. It’s important to identify the thought process behind your money evasion. This is a great thing to talk with your therapist about, but if you’re unable to access one, you can always turn to your journal.

Some questions to ask yourself:

What am I feeling when I think about looking at my bank account/bills/credit card?
What do I think will happen when I do look at them?
Are those things actually likely to happen?
Or am I engaging in cognitive distortion?

You may realize that shame or guilt over your spending habits is the culprit. Or perhaps it’s a long-held money belief that you can’t shake. Getting at the root of why you’re doing this is an important first step in making a change.

Next, it’s important to consider what will happen if you continue to avoid your money.

Studies focused on the behavioral science behind money avoidance have found that thinking about the consequences of sidestepping your finances can be effective in making you face your fears. In many recovery circles, this is known as “playing the tape forward.”

In other words, walk yourself through what would happen if you continue to avoid your bank account, bills, or credit cards. You may be charged high interest rates, or your bills may be sent to collections, which could damage your credit score. You may not be able to save for that vacation you want to take because you don’t know how you’re spending.

Setting up a system that works for you is perhaps one of the best ways to ensure that you can kick money avoidance to the curb.

So schedule a weekly money date for yourself, during which you’ll check out your spending, bills, and any other money information you need to stay on top of. Use this time to make a plan for the week ahead: Maybe you need to cut back on spending, so you’d plan to pack your lunch, or to skip out on a night out in favor of staying in with your friends. Think of the time you’re spending on this task as self-care in its truest form: you’re taking care of your emotional responses to money ahead of time, while also setting yourself up for financial success.

With bills that come in the mail, have a designated spot on your desk or in your files that you’ll check in on during your weekly money date. That way, the bill isn’t looming over you all week, nor are you throwing it in the trash and forgetting about it.

Consider automating bills and credit card payments or saving money so that your accounts are doing the work for you. This can ensure that you’re not accidentally forgetting about any necessary spending, while also setting up a system in case you slip back into your money-avoiding habit. You can also set up mobile or email alerts from your bank for when you reach a certain balance, which could encourage you to spend a little less going forward.

Sometimes, a money problem can be too big to handle on your own. You can find a therapist who deals specifically with finances through the Financial Therapy Association. You can also look into Debtors Anonymous meetings, which are free and offer support for folks dealing with unsecured debt.

Your local library may offer a service like credit counseling, or there may be a local nonprofit that offers similar services. Nonprofit Savvy Ladies has a ton of webinars available for free online with information from real professionals like financial attorneys and planners. And, of course, you can look at working one-on-one with a financial coach or planner.